Reflections

This is a post about me. Given everything that has happened in my life lately I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on things. Decisions I've made, choices that have been presented, mistakes learned from, lessons taught, people I've known, feelings I've had, things that I've done.

As mentioned in a previous post I've been frustrated writing the past six months or so. Part of the frustrations of writing on here is that 99.9% of what I would like to write about I am not allowed to due to either security, cultural sensitivity, or political reasons.

So not being sure what to write about I am sticking with what I have told by instructors in the past “write what you know”. All I know is what I’ve experienced myself. What I’ve seen, what I’ve felt, what I’ve done. So from here on out that is what I am writing about...and lately what I've been doing is looking back on things.

I won’t go into details over what’s been at hand the last four months. I will say however that the situation has left me a better person and I’ve learned some lessons, a few I already knew but hey nothing wrong with reviews, right? For example, I know there’s nothing wrong with following my heart, helping out a friend who needs it (especially when I’m in a position to lend assistance), or opening myself up to the potential pain and heart-ache of the world...for the benefits are well worth the risks and potential pain. Besides, I don’t know how to live a life that isn’t lead by my heart. Its just how I am, much to the disappointment of my family. What can I say, I march to my own drumbeat.

I have also learned there are times to keep my mouth shut, and then there are times to open it when others can’t speak out for themselves. The trick is learning which the situation calls for. I’m still figuring that one out little by little.

All things considered, at the end of the day the only judgment from another I need to worry about is God’s. Seeing how He is the one who gave me this often-hurt heart that I follow, I know the only way I could disappoint Him is not to follow it.

A friend of mine asked me the other day what I’m going to do once we get home now that my plans were ruined. I looked at him and asked what he meant. My plans for home haven’t changed, just the people involved in them. I’m still going to go camping as many weekends as possible, drive my TJ as much as possible (preferably with the top down if the Iowa summers ever get back up to temp like they used to), go fishing, and get another kayak...possibly one with a sail, maybe rigged for fishing, I haven’t decided yet. I also plan to dust off my bike, buy a new set of road wheels (I’m one of those people who likes having a set of wheels for on-road, and off-road) and get back into my routine of 30-60 miles a day three days a week...ok, can’t do that with work and kids, but I WILL get back to a minimum of 30 miles a week, even in the winter. Will I ever come home to someone other than my kids? I don’t know, and right now I don’t really place much importance on that. My life is what it is, and when God decides its time for me to share it with someone special then I’m sure I will. If nothing I have learned Patience this deployment, and if each failed relationship prepares us for the one that succeeds then I know I’m getting close to end of the being single. Don’t get me wrong though, I haven’t learned Patience that well ;)

So that's where I am at right now, looking once again at the old photos of my life, sometimes wondering "what-if", but being glad I made the choices I did. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the things that I have gone through the way that I have.

Once again I thank everyone for their support. With luck the next post will be similar in style to our marathon mission back in June/July. Until then...

Be safe

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